The Author is not in college, but wishes he still was because that was the last time he felt purpose and direction in his life. To deal with these feelings, he makes up little stories like this Work to vicariously live out his idealized version of college dorm life.
The reality of dorm life is far less glamorous, and it’d be far more likely that instead of a scientifically enthusiastic Frenchman waking a you up, it would be a wave of vomit-stench and bubbling noises as a roommate throws up on everyone’s shoes again.